Adolescence is the time between childhood and adulthood when your daughter or son will go through many physical and emotional changes. It begins with puberty which, for girls, usually starts between 8 and 13 years of age, and for boys, between 10 to 14 years of age.

Though these years can be difficult, it can also be a rewarding time watching your teen make the transition into an independent, caring, and responsible adult.

The American Academy of Pediatrics offers the following tips to help you and your teen navigate adolescence. Teen will be the term used in this publication when referring to adolescent, teenager, preteen, and tween.

• Spend
  
  family
  time with your teen. Although many teens may seem more interested in friends, this does not mean they are not interested in family.

• Spend time
  
  alone
  with your teen. Even if your teen does not want time alone with you, remind him or her often that you are always available to listen or talk. One way to make yourself available is to offer rides; a great opportunity to talk (if the radio isn’t too loud).

• When your teen talks

  • —Pay attention.

  • —Watch, as well as listen.

  • —Try not to interrupt.

  • —Ask for further details if you don’t understand.

  • —If you don’t have time to listen, set a time that will be good for both of you.

• Respect your teen. It’s OK to disagree with your teen, but disagree respectfully, not insultingly. Don’t dismiss his or her feelings or opinions as silly or senseless. You may not always be able to help when your teen is upset about something, but it is important to say, “I want to understand,” or “Help me understand.”

• When rules are needed, set and enforce them. Don’t be afraid to be unpopular for a day or two. Believe it or not, teens see setting limits as a form of caring.

• Try not to get upset if your teen makes mistakes. This will help your teen take responsibility for his or her actions. Remem­ber to offer guidance when necessary. Direct the discussion toward solutions. For example, saying, “I get upset when I find clothes all over the floor,” is much better than, “You’re a slob.”

  Be willing to negotiate and compromise. This will teach problem solving in a healthy way. Remember to choose your battles. Let go of the little things that may not be worth a big fight.

• Criticize a behavior, not an attitude. For example, instead of saying, “You’re late. That’s so irresponsible. And I don’t like your attitude,” try saying, “I worry about your safety when you’re late. I trust you, but when I don’t hear from you and don’t know where you are, I wonder whether something bad has happened to you. What can we do together to help you get home on time and make sure I know where you are or when you’re going to be late?”

• Mix criticism with praise. Your teen needs to know how you feel when he or she is not doing what you want him or her to do. Be sure to mix in positive feedback with this criticism. For example, “I’m proud that you are able to hold a job and get your homework done. I would like to see you use some of that energy to help do the dishes after meals.”

• Let your teen be a teen. Give your teen some leeway with regard to clothes, hairstyle, etc. Many teens go through a rebellious period in which they want to express themselves in ways that are different from their parents. However, be aware of the messages and ratings of the music, movies, and video games to which your teen is exposed.

• Be a parent first, not a friend. Your teen’s separation from you as a parent is a normal part of development. Don’t take it personally.

• Don’t be afraid to share mistakes you’ve made as a parent or as a teen.

• Talk with your teen’s pediatrician if you need advice on how to talk with or get along with your teen.

Common questions

The following are answers to questions from parents of teens.

Tips for a healthy diet

• Limit fast-food meals. Discuss the options available at fast-food restaurants and help your teen find a healthy, balanced diet. Fat should not come from junk food but from healthier foods such as low-fat cheese or low-fat yogurt.

• Keep the household supply of junk food such as candy, cookies, and potato chips to a minimum.

• Stock up on low-fat healthy items for snacking such as fruit, raw vegetables, whole-grain crackers, and low-fat yogurt. Encourage eating fruits and vegetables as snacks.

• Check with your teen’s doctor about the proper amounts of calories, fat, protein, and carbohydrates for your teen.

• As a parent, model good eating habits. Make mealtime family time (5 times per week or more)—eating meals together helps with communication and reduces teen risk-taking.

Talking with your teen about sex

Before your teen becomes sexually active, make sure you discuss the following topics:

• Medical and physical risks. Risks include unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, hepatitis B, syphilis, herpes, HIV (the virus that causes AIDS), and HPV (human papillomavirus—the virus that can cause cancers of the mouth and throat, cervix, and genitals in teens and adults).

• Emotional risks. Teens who have sex before they are emotionally ready may regret the decision when they are older or feel guilty, frightened, or ashamed from the experience. Your teen should ask himself or herself, “Am I ready to have sex?” or “What will happen after I have sex?”

• Promoting safer sex. Anyone who is sexually active needs to be aware of how to prevent unintended pregnancies, as well as how to protect against STIs. Condoms should always be used along with a second method of contraception to prevent pregnancy and reduce the risk of STIs.

• Setting limits. Make sure your teen has thought about what his or her sexual limits are before dating begins.

Most importantly, let your teen know that he or she can talk with you and his or her doctor about dating and relationships. Offer your guidance throughout this important stage in your teen’s life.

If you smoke…Âquit

If you or someone else in the household smokes, now is a good time to quit. Watching a parent struggle through the process of quitting can be a powerful message for a teen who is thinking about starting. It also shows that you care about your health, as well as your teen’s.